September 12, 2024

What Makes Rejection and Betrayal So Awful
LYSA TERKEURST

Lee en español

“I have come into the world as a light, so that no one who believes in me should stay in darkness.” John 12:46 (NIV) 

My mouth was dry. My hands a bit numb. There was a stabbing tightness in my chest. My mind blurred as my thoughts became a fragmented kaleidoscope of a million memories. The words traveled through my ears to my heart. I felt the full impact of their harsh landing. As they skidded their way across the most tender places inside me, they burned and cut and ripped apart what I thought would be so very permanent.

Even though this was decades ago, rejection and betrayal always leave the deepest, darkest marks.

I pulled out my journal today and tried to capture the raw essence of what makes these things so awful. But I couldn’t capture it with finely crafted words. Instead of diving deep with my thoughts, I let them come in simple, personal phrases:

I like stability.
I don’t like getting caught off guard.
I like feeling known.
I don’t like feeling like I can’t trust people.

One line finally emerged to sum up rejection better than the others:

I don’t want my normal to be snatched away.

Life feels impossibly risky when I’m reminded how unpredictable circumstances can shatter and forever change what I know and love. And in the fallout, some pieces never fall back into place.

It’s like taking a photograph containing all the people you love — and suddenly, some of them purposely cut themselves out of the picture. The gaping hole left behind in some ways is worse than death. If they’d passed away, you would grieve their loss. But when their absence is caused by rejection or betrayal, you not only grieve their loss but also wrestle through the fact that they wanted this. They chose to cut themselves out.

Though you’re devastated, they’re walking away feeling relieved. Or worse, they might even feel happy. And there you sit, staring at a messed-up photograph no glue in the world can fix. Normal? Snatched away. Not by accident. Very much on purpose, by someone you never expected could be such a thief.

Rejection and betrayal steal the security of all we thought was beautiful and stable and leave us with broken hearts and busted-up trust.

But God. He’s there. Jesus said, “I have come into the world as a light, so that no one who believes in me should stay in darkness” (John 12:46). With Jesus I can walk out of this dark place of rejection and into the light.

Yes, He is the One who can help me. Heal me. Speak to me when I’m hurting.

God drops a word into my heart. Like when I take a swig of orange juice just after brushing my teeth, I recoil at the unexpected taste … of grace.

Why grace?! Because I’ve been hurt, but that doesn’t mean I now have to live hurt. I can get mad and bitter and even choose to isolate. Or I can choose grace.

Hurt people hurt people.
Healed people heal people.
And I want to be in that latter group.

This doesn’t mean we’re OK with what happened to us. But it does mean we’re going to choose to move forward into a brighter future. You see, the trauma of having our trust broken by people we thought would never betray us is life-altering. But it doesn’t have to be life-ruining.

There’s nothing we can do to eliminate the pain of rejection and betrayal. Oh, how I wish there were. With every fiber of my being, I wish I could remove it from my world and yours. But I can’t. However, we can choose to allow each hole in our broken hearts to become an opportunity to create more and more space for grace. May it be true of us.

Father God, please help me be a woman who is quick to give grace, even when it’s the last thing I want to do. Thank You for the grace You extend to me each and every day. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

OUR FAVORITE THINGS

Loading … Our favorite season of the Therapy & Theology podcast yet! Lysa TerKeurst, Dr. Joel Muddamalle and counselor Jim Cress are covering the topic of trust during Season 7. Each episode will answer questions like: What do I do with my trust issues? What must be present in order to repair trust? How do I trust God when the person who hurt me got away with what they did? You don’t want to miss this one … hear more about this season in the trailer from Lysa!

ENGAGE

Find real-life encouragement when you connect with Lysa TerKeurst here on Instagram.

FOR DEEPER STUDY

Isaiah 53:3a, “He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain” (NIV).

How does knowing that Jesus relates to your pain and feelings of rejection bring you comfort today?

We’d love to hear from you! Share your thoughts in the comments.

© 2024 by Lysa TerKeurst. All rights reserved.

Proverbs 31 Ministries
P.O. Box 3189
Matthews, NC 28106
www.Proverbs31.org